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No contact is a pretty harsh way to cut things off but it’s increasingly needed because of the type of dating habits that both men and women are adopting.

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If you are experiencing any of the following, you need the No Contact Rule (NCR) for your sanity, nevermind anything else: You have no endings.

You have a number of ‘ex’ boyfriends that call you up to get nostalgic, get the lowdown on whether you’ve moved on, and also to get busy with you. You haven’t cut the contact because you think he’s going to turn from a cockroach, into a frog, and then eventually into a prince.

Before you go down the breakup route, do have an honest conversation with you and ask: Is this a halfhearted cry for attention from him that I hope will force his hand into making the decision to be with me? This is how you lose credibility and open you up to more pain.

He will just think that you’re crying wolf and it will only be a matter of time until you’re back in the affair hot seat. If you put the focus of the breakup on him, he can make excuses that he means at the time but probably don’t hold up after the event and he’ll make promises that he means at the time but is also unlikely to keep. Remind yourself that he is throwing you the crumbs of his time and his emotions. You’d be surprised at how many women act in secrecy, which actually plays even further into the man’s hands as you are totally at the mercy of whatever he is telling you.

Be honest with you about what you’re trying to achieve. If you really do want to break up with him and you are sick of the situation, he shouldn’t be able to wheedle his way around you. Yes, you are breaking up because he can’t give you what you need, want and deserve, , you’re also breaking up with him because YOU are better than this. Yes you may be conditioned to think that the crumbs are enough for you, but the reality is that a healthy relationship with a man that is only with you and puts you at the centre of his life, feels far different to the flimsy ‘relationship’ that you’re in now. Think of the woman he’s with, the woman that you view as the person who is robbing you of the opportunity to be with your guy, as a human being with feelings and strengths and weaknesses just like you. Affairs and in fact, all dubious relationships rely on element of shame and secrecy and this compounds your dilemma.

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